Dam those demons

Today was not a good day. It was brought abruptly to my attention that my creative obsessions are having a negative effect on my personal life. For me, I struggle without the boundaries of having a job or young baby to look after. All my life I have worked hard until I sold my clothes shop just before the birth of my first child  Anya. Then as a stay at home Mum of two, my days were always full of baby chores and sewing was squashed into the gaps in between. However, since I have moved to White House my kids have become more independent, Anya has started school, and I have been able to spend more and more time on my recent 'work'. The problem is you don't see the demons coming when your so obsessed with the next new idea. The adrenalin as the seed is born, the tedious, mind numbing but strangely calming middle stage as you graft to develop the idea and then the final, completion stage where you stand back and feel the rush of accomplishment and validation at what you have achieved. Each project has become bigger and more elaborate than the last and although I don't spend much money, I don't make any either so to others my 'work' is going nowhere and only serves to take time away from the people who need me the most. Don't get me wrong my kids always come first but then I have to say next in line I love to indulge a strong creative urge leaving housework and husband maintenance falling to the wayside. I am about to go to Germany alone to visit my Grandparents for five days and on my return I am going straight to Southport to by a wild horse (more of that later). Then I have a new caravan in my drive waiting to be pimped but in the meantime serious decisions need to be made about where my priorities lie and how I can become a better wife without compromising my creative desires. Its a dilemma, how can something so powerfully life giving be such a destructive force. Kat x